Friendship

This weekend I spontanously decided to visit my parents and somehow, I ended up going through my 'friends-cupboard' again. My very own 'friends-cupboard' is the place where I store all the letters, messages and gifts I've received from my friends over the past ten years or so. It's a very extensive collection, and all the more precious to me.

I always say I'm unfortunate in a sense when it comes to friendship because my family used to move too often and I didn't have the time to get really close to anybody. I mean, friendship - just as any kind of relationship between people - needs time to develop, deepen and stabilize. Even afterwards, it needs to be cultivated, and distance makes that task harder than it already is.

Still, I guess I am indeed quite lucky. Friends who had entered my life, even if we've grown apart, did a whole lot in making me happy for a certain period of time. I mean, every time I look at the letters they've sent me, most of them being 'confessions' about how much I actually meant to them when I was just about to leave, makes me realize I must have done something right in my life to have people appreciate me like that. I guess it's just fair, since the feeling happened to be mutual almost all the time.

I used to be so very damn proud that I had a, literally translated from Vietnamese, bottomless heart. It was like I had an endless bunch of feelings that I could give to just about everyone. I don't know how I managed it back then, doing so many things for so many people, caring, listening, sharing, just being there for every single one of my friends. (Maybe that's what drained me, explaining my attitude now...)

Friends like Miu, Piggy, Na and sisters like c Baz, c Bee, c Nhim mark a very special episode of my life. I think I experienced the happiest time of my life at that time. I like to call it my "Y360-phase". It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy remembering how it was so easy to miss them, to tell them how much they mean to me, to understand that they trust me with almost everything, and to know that all those things, they were mutual.

I remember all the promises we'd made, also their fears of me forgetting them once I left (Weird, right? People would think I should be the one to worry more), and how I reassured them that it would never happen.

I don't know how they feel about it, but to me, I meant every word I said. Even though we might not be as close anymore and we don't have time to talk often, the truth is they are still very special people to me. Back then, I'd be there in a heartbeat if they needed me. Right now, I would still do the same. The feeling of appreciation and love I have for them might be buried under tons of other stuff I'm busy with, but when it comes down to it, those feelings will come to surface again in all their glory. Because all this time, they have been here somewhere in my heart, my feelings unscathed, and they probably will stay there for a very very long time.

I may have built a lot of thick walls around me as of now, but it's not impossible to get inside. And once you're inside, you really are inside, you'll have that little space of yours in my heart and you'll stay there, quite persistently.

I know I'm cheesy as crap but what's true is true, and sometimes needs to be said. =)