I kinda feel like shit right now. These past few days have been anything but easy for everyone, a crass rollercoaster of emotions I dare say. There are a few things that I have learnt from the issues, a few things I got reminded about again, a few things that are still bothering me and a few things I realized I need to analyze and think about.
1. Alcohol is dangerous. Getting drunk is bad. Getting drunk to the point where you can't think straight is self-destructive and issue-inducing behavior. I mean, the shitty thing that's happening in my friends circle right now happened because of alcohol. The thing that bothers me the most this evening is also a product of acting in a drunken state.
I thought I have come to terms with not getting too drunk ever again... But then I boozed last Sunday too. I mean okay, the trigger was overwhelming emotions and I really needed the alcohol to befuddle my mind enough to prevent myself from crying but yeah, in the end I guess it still is better if no alcohol was involved, or at least only involved on a low level.
With that said, I need to - must - discipline myself again. More self-control, please.
2. I opened myself up to my friends for the first time after like six years. I actually didn't regret it and have told myself to continue talking to them when the main issue is over. But right now I am regretting it a little. I realize I don't really know them that well, hence I need to reconsider the amount of trust I am willing to put in them.
3. When A and B are close to you and also close to each other, and then A does something really shitty that hurts B, no one in this world can tell you to stay out of it. It's effing offensive to say you have nothing to do with it and it's not your business. First of all, B is important to you and when B is hurt, you wouldn't feel good either. Second of all, you have certain expectations about A too (because hell, A is important to you too!), and when you see A wronging B, it's normal to be disappointed in A.
It's good if A shows B and you how sorry A is. But if A doesn't show anything, which kind of makes it look like A doesn't care, then you really have all the right to be mad at A for disappointing you. But then move on and be mad at yourself to have read people wrong.
4. It's shit to be effing biased in a situation where two people screw things up together, you have affection for or hatred against one of them and start to behave accordingly. Meaning pointing accusing fingers at the object of your hatred while sparing the other, or protecting the object of your affection and projecting every accusation towards the one you don't have special feelings for.
That behavior is based on sheer emotion. Start thinking a little more rationally, for God's sake!
5. If your friend is hurt and cries their heart out on your shoulder, of course you'll be affected and probably get mad at whoever hurt your friend. But getting just as emotional as your friend isn't gonna help the situation at all. Seriously, people need to think a little more rational! It's never good to only listen to the story from one side, and I can assure you that you can help your friend much better if you actually know what went on in the supposedly bad guy's head too.
I don't understand why people don't see it. I don't get how they can just assume things when they don't know the whole story. Like that is going to help anybody.
6. A guy who leaves a girl just because his friends are against his relationship is a coward. I hope one of my guy friends isn't like that. I hope if he leaves his girl, it's because he realized his feelings aren't strong enough.
7. Everyone needs time to calm down at the moment. These things are all on my chest, but it's the best to not talk about it immediately. I will tell people what I think one day, when the storm is over.
8. I'm tired. I know this is not everything that's in my head right now, but the things that are bothering me the most are in this entry, and the rest, seriously, I can cope with not venting them all out. Right now, I need a little sleep. Maybe tomorrow I'll come back to this entry and do some ETAs.
9. The shitty situation is really starting to wear me out and I'm beginning to feel effing fed up. The time when I'll shrug and say "whatever" is coming soon.
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ETA on the next day.
10. I hate how I needed so much time to actually know what I think. Not every thought of the ones above were clear to me before I wrote them down last night. That's just not like me... I hate the feeling of not knowing what to do, be it about my friend's problems or my own.
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