I Think I'm Going to Implode

1. I'm feeling not so good these days. I can't really pinpoint the exact reason, though I have my suspicions, but yeah, bottom line is: I am stressed, like all the time.

2. I think everyone should have it written on their foreheads whether they're taken, they're single and not looking, or single and currently looking. It makes the world much easier.

3. Aligning with that, I'm wondering what could go wrong if people just be bold and direct and ask for each other's numbers when there's interest. It doesn't even have to mean love interest. You may find someone attractive, or just cool, just nice, and you just want to hang, so what's wrong with asking for their number? Argh, I hate society's preprogrammed perception of certain actions and I hate even more that I fcking care what society thinks!

4. One thought keeps popping up in my mind these days: rather be the jerk who dumps someone, than be the one who gets dumped. If thinking rationally, I'm convinced I'm such an ass for just having that thought.

5. I have no time for shit. I want to have me time, but then again, I don't want to be alone. Most of the time, I'm surrounded by people but I feel lonely as fck.

6. I love my family, but my family needs to stop throwing problems at me. At this very moment, I already have enough to struggle with.

7. I love medicine.

8. I love internistic medicine. I think I might just have dropped the desire to follow Neonatology. Sorry to say but my profs in Peds kinda ruined all the love I had for this specialization before...

9. I want to focus on work and shove away all the negative feelings again. But I can't fcking concentrate on work, because I keep scheduling myself to meet up with people. Usually I feel good, nowadays I just feel fcking lonely in the company of my best friends. What the fck, really?!

10. I need a break from life. Shit.

11. Problem-solving approach: Take off. Me-time for a whole day. Up until now, I think I was too afraid of feeling lonely and empty when alone. But maybe, quality me-time is exactly what I need.

12. Need to figure out what my actual problem is. Thereby, me-time. Go back to 11.

Thank heavens that I have this place to vent out all my incoherent thoughts. I'm about to implode, really. Is this what fcking burnout feels like, yeah? I just want to sleep for two days and shut out the whole world....