Hello~
This is me writing again because I have insomnia. I am suffering from some serious muscle stiffness and it just wouldn't let me sleep. I have been tossing and turning for three hours by now, and still did not sleep a wink... As expected from my mind, when left with no active task to do, it occupies itself with countless thoughts. And that quite counterproductively adds to my insomnia tonight.
My brain's favorite exercise as of late is to analyse the contents of "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen Covey. It is quite a gem to me. Among all the self-improvement books I've read in my life, this is the one book that convinces me more than any other. I have finished reading the book a couple of days ago, but I think at least another re-read and some more reflection/analysis are required for me to really be through with its content. I shall write another blog post dedicated to this book alone.
I know I haven't been active with writing lately. But a train of thoughts in bed just now brought me to the conclusion that it is quite crucial for me to start again. "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" had led to a major reflection process within myself, and among other things, I realized how bad I have become at listening. Luckily, I also suppose I have figured out the reason.
I have always been a heavy thinker with a constant need to express my thoughts, because I find expressing thoughts to be the best way to facilitate thinking progress. I have to lay out my thoughts; I have to see them, to hear them. Only then can I have something as close as possible to an overview of the complexity of my mind. This in turn enables me to think in an organized way, to add further thoughts or scratch some contradicting ones, and to develop new ideas. I used to spend a lot of time on laying my thoughts out in texts. Nowadays, this time is dramatically cut down on, and I end up laying my thoughts out when talking to people instead. Sadly, the need to share my thoughts comes at the price of my ability to listen. I used to be a much better listener when I frequently processed my thoughts through writing, and entered a conversation as an thoughts-already-processed listener.
It is somewhat ironic that part of my motivation to become a better listener is drawn from my dissatisfaction of other people's listening habits. Most people are too consumed with their own thoughts, own problems, own interests, own world to truly want to listen to and understand other people (hey, not entirely excluding myself here). The only time most of us really listen is when someone speaks about something we also care about. I don't know how many times I tried to breach a topic I had been thinking about and the other person just didn't give a response, be it verbally or non-verbally, and just started another topic after a few moments of silence. My emotional connection with that person suffers a serious blow every time that happens, really. I do think I always show more interest when I am in the shoes of the listener, but that can also just be attributed to my sheer thirst to have more stuff to think about, or if I want to put it in a nicer way, my openness to learn about new viewpoints and ideas.
With all that being said, I am aware of the peculiarity of my thinking habit. Or rather, the breadth in which I do it. It's hard to find another person who is willing to keep up with my thoughts. Most of them just end up not listening anymore at some point. It's not that bad though, because some still listen, and those are either people who are similar to me, or people who are truly good at listening. Especially when one-sided listening turns into a conversation, I feel very satisfied - for the lack of a better word - afterwards. It's just that those cases are so rare.
Sometimes, I tell people that I tend to overthink. I guess I should stop doing that from now on, because it's not true. I don't overthink, I just like thinking a lot. The former creates problems, the latter is what makes life meaningful, in my opinion. I won't change that I think a lot, and while doing that, I will also try to add one more person - myself - to the group of rare good listeners.
For now though, I need to get some sleep first. :P
